Being a Mom

So many things on my mind lately. I am terribly busy this weekend with homework and housework, but I have to get some thoughts out of my head and onto "paper"!

I have been analyzing (surprise, surprise) being a mom and what it really means to me. It is so hard with all of the social networks out there to be sure that you are doing the right thing! TV, websites, Facebook, blogs, parenting magazines, friends, teachers, relatives - while they all offer advice, some of it is conflicting, and most of it makes me second guess my parenting skills. I am thinking about this more and more lately as I see myself taking out this frustration and confusion on my kids. I feel unhappy with the way I am parenting - seeing the way my friends parent, reading about things online and in magazines, and seeing the way my kids are growing up - and in turn, I am being a worse parent! I am frustrated that I am doing this and that "wrong", frustrated with problem bahavior's I see in my kids, frustrated when I am not doing things the way others are, and frustrated when I feel judged by other mom's. This frustration is making me impatient and angry and I am taking it out on my kids. It has to stop!

Just as my thoughts are on overdrive about this, my good friend, Nicole, finds this book called "Regret Free Parenting". I have not read it yet, but she has read some of it to me over the phone. It is exactly what I need right now! I need to follow my gut, listen to God, and raise my kids the way I want to! When I see on Facebook that someone successfully potty trained their 19 month old, and my 28 month old refuses to use the potty, I need to remember that all kids are different and the little details about WHEN a child is potty trained doesn't matter! When a friends' five year old is always well behaved and never throws temper tantrums, and my 5 year old seems to throw them on a daily basis, I need to stop comparing our kids and just be a good mom. Nicole reminded me to be thankful that I was chosen to be Ryann, Elle, and Morgan's mom. Thankful to BE their mom! Not only thankful FOR them, but thankful that God chose ME to raise them!

So, that book says that I should state what I want for my kids - how I want them to "be" when they are grown up. This list is not exhaustive, but it's a start! And hopefully, having this list written down will allow me to trust myself and not worry about things I read about or see from other parents.

I would LOVE my kids to......

LOVE Jesus and choose to follow him

Be compassionate and empathetic towards others

LOVE others no matter what their differences may be, but still stand up for what they believe in

Be creative and use their imagination

Be able to set boundaries for themselves - whether it be with how much TV they watch, the types of food they eat (and how much), how much studying they do, how much "experimenting" they do in their teen years

Be able to talk to me about ANYTHING

Be honest and trustworthy

Be confident and willing to take risks


In addition to that, I want my kids to enjoy life. I worry so much about how much TV they watch, how many developmental milestones they have reached, whether they ate enough vegetables that day, whether or not they are nice and polite around others, if they got enough sleep or not, if they should be vaccinated or not, if it's okay to let them eat at McDonalds twice in one week, if they are in the right car seat or not, if they play with the most educational toys or not, what school they should go to, when they should be potty trained, etc. It is just so overwhelming! I am DONE spending so much time worrying about the "best" way to raise my kids - DONE with regrets about things I did "wrong".

I am going to (try!) to TRUST myself, LISTEN to God, and just raise my kids. I am going to ENJOY them and follow my gut. I am going to SHOW them how to be a good person, a good mom.

So now that I have committed to this in writing, let's see how well I do! It's going to take a lot of praying for me to change. I am so controlling and insecure about being a mom that it's going to take awhile for me to let go of my fears and really trust myself. But I am going to do my best - for the sake of my kids and my sanity!!