Friday, October 19, 2012

God's Will for My Life



I am reading the book “Forgotten God” by Frances Chan in my bible study and it has really been eye opening….over the past year I have had this overwhelming feeling of “What’s the point???” about a lot of things I used to really enjoy.  Last Thanksgiving, for example…..I was cooking and baking and doing something that I really, truly enjoy, and yet all I could think was “what’s the point?”  Why do I spend so much money on food, so much time preparing food, for people who have food every day?  Why not put my resources to better use, and invite over the homeless, bring dinner to the homeless shelter, or seek out those who have nothing to eat?  I try to convince myself that it is all about tradition, spending time with family, doing what I love, and yet this feeling nags and nags at my soul…..

So then Christmas rolls around…..and Morgan’s birthday, and then Ryann’s birthday.  We have a party and buy gifts and again I struggle with that (now annoying) question!  I tell myself, our kids are too young to understand not getting presents, we are just celebrating, at least we buy all used things for them….and still I think “What’s the point!?!”

This entire year goes by with this question irritating me on a daily basis.  What do I do?  What can I do?  We have so much debt, that even if we sold everything we own, we would not be in a debt free position to move away and help people.  Most weeks we run out of money for groceries and gas to even get us back and forth from school and work, so how do we buy groceries for others?  Are we really being called to move away and do something?  I then read the book “Crazy Love”, another one by Frances Chan, and feel even more convicted.  Convicted that we have a pretty nice house.  Convicted that we have a pretty nice van.  Convicted that we went to Mexico to see my sister get married.  Convicted about pretty much everything we have.  My convictions are strong and real, but I cannot figure out what God is calling me to do!  I love my house…..I love my van….I love baking and cooking with my kids….I love thrift store shopping and buying gifts for people!  Is this wrong?  Is God calling me to give it all up?  Ahhh!  I just don’t know….

This brings me to the last few weeks.  “Forgotten God” is about the Holy Spirit, and how often we forget about Him.  If He is alive in us, why aren’t we following his lead?  Should we follow His plan for our life in the next 5 years, or in the next 5 minutes?  And then I realize that right now, in this moment, I am called to do something.  I am called to be a Mom.  A wife.  A friend.  A Sunday School teacher.  I am these things, but God is calling me to commit to these things.  To set down the computer and be the mom He has called me to be.  To call the friend I know is struggling and offer her an ear.  To love my friends and family members that do not know God so that they see Him in me.  To love my husband unconditionally, show him respect, and honor him always.  To be an example to the children in our church and truly prepare to teach them on Sunday mornings.  To pray for my friends and family and church without ceasing.  I am called to listen to the Spirit when He says, “Send this book to so and so and do not hesitate.” When He says, “Pay for this person’s gas with no questions asked.”  When He says, “Invite so and so over for a play date and really commit to getting to know them and their kids.”  I feel this sort of prompting every day, but talk myself out of it almost every time.  This might be what God is calling me to right now.  Enjoy baking and cooking, but do it out of love, and teach my children in the meantime!  Enjoy buying gifts for others, but be obedient and listen to God’s prompting!  Enjoy celebrating birthdays and holidays with my family, but love them unconditionally and be present while we are together!  Raising my kids is an important job….as is serving the homeless and those less fortunate.  If I can commit to being the mom my kids need me to be, we can become a servant family together.  We can love others, serve others, bake and cook for others, buy gifts for others, and show God’s love to others!

It has been such a revelation to me to realize this….I find that I spent so much time worrying about the point of everything, that another year has gone by in my kids’ life and I have missed much of it.  I have done my cooking and baking after they are in bed instead of using it as a teaching opportunity.  I have allowed more screen time than I want to as a mom.  I have spent too much time focusing on my own selfish desires than offering my husband what he needs from me.  And I have spent a lot of time praying for myself and my needs instead of committing the needs of others to the Lord.

I am ready though.

I am ready to follow God’s will for my life.  Right now.  Which is why I am about to close this computer, greet my girls with a smile as they wake up from their nap, and make pumpkin cupcakes for Elle’s 4th Birthday party tomorrow.

Thank you Jesus.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

His Mercies are New Every Morning

The last couple of years I have really struggled with my relationships with people, especially my kids.....I worry that because I often feel frustrated with them, I am causing all of these problems they will have as they get older.  I pray often that I would be a better mom to my kids; the type of mom that they need me to be.  And yet, I still struggle on a daily basis with this.

One of my best friends recently offered some insight, which was offered to her for a situation she is struggling with right now....."The faithful love of the Lord never ends!  His mercies never cease.  Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh every morning!"  (Lamentations 3:22-23)

EVERY morning!  Every morning.....we are offered God's love and mercy every morning....which means we must NEED it every morning!  Just because I pray and pray to change, and do not see a drastic difference in a certain amount of time does not mean I am not changing....I just need His love, His mercy, His grace, His Spirit, every morning.....What an amazing concept!


Sunday, January 1, 2012

Oh, How He Loves....

He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us so

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.


We are His portion and He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking
So Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about the way

And oh, how He loves us
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us so


Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.



Saturday, December 31, 2011

Good and Evil

My amazing and wonderful new sister-in-law, Ashton, posted this on Facebook recently and I just love it!

"LET ME EXPLAIN THE problem science has with Jesus Christ." The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand. "You're a Christian, aren't you, son?"

"Yes, sir."

"So you believe in God?"

"Absolutely."

"Is God good?"

"Sure! God's good."

"Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?"

"Yes."

"Are you good or evil?"

"The Bible says I'm evil."

The professor grins knowingly. "Ahh! THE BIBLE!" He considers for a moment. "Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help them? Would you try?"

"Yes sir, I would."

"So you're good...!"

"I wouldn't say that."

"Why not say that? You would help a sick and maimed person if you could...in fact most of us would if we could....God doesn't."

[No answer]

"He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can you answer that one?"

[No answer]

The elderly man is sympathetic. "No, you can't, can you?" He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax. "In philosophy, you have to go easy with the new ones. Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?"

"Er... Yes."

"Is Satan good?"

"No."

"Where does Satan come from?"

The student falters. "From... God..."

"That's right. God made Satan, didn't he?" The elderly man runs his bony fingers through his thinning hair and turns to the smirking student audience. "I think we're going to have a lot of fun this semester, ladies and gentlemen." He turns back to the Christian. "Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?"

"Yes, sir."

"Evil's everywhere, isn't it? Did God make everything?"

"Yes."

"Who created evil?"

[No answer]

"Is there sickness in this world? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness. All the terrible things - do they exist in this world? "

The student squirms on his feet. "Yes."

"Who created them?"

[No answer]

The professor suddenly shouts at his student, "WHO CREATED THEM? TELL ME, PLEASE!" The professor closes in for the kill and climbs into the Christian's face. In a still small voice, he asked, "God created all evil, didn't He, son?"

[No answer]

The student tries to hold the steady, experienced gaze and fails. Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace the front of the classroom like an aging panther. The class is mesmerized. "Tell me," he continues, "How is it that this God is good if He created all evil throughout all time?" The professor swishes his arms around to encompass the wickedness of the world. "All the hatred, the brutality, all the pain, all the torture, all the death and ugliness and all the suffering created by this good God is all over the world, isn't it, young man?"

[No answer]

"Don't you see it all over the place? Huh?" Pause. "Don't you?" The professor leans into the student's face again and

whispers, "Is God good?"

[No answer]

"Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?"

The student's voice betrays him and cracks. "Yes, professor. I do."

The old man shakes his head sadly. "Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?"

"No, sir. I've never seen Him."

"Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?"

"No, sir. I have not."

"Have you ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus... in fact, do you have any sensory perception of your God whatsoever?"

[No answer]

"Answer me, please."

"No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't."

"You're AFRAID... you haven't?"

"No, sir."

"Yet you still believe in him?"

"...yes..."

"That takes FAITH!" The professor smiles sagely at the underling. "According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son? Where is your God now?"

[The student doesn't answer]

"Sit down, please."

The first Christian sits...defeated.

Another Christian raises his hand. "Professor, may I address the class?"

The professor turns and smiles. "Ah, yet another Christian in the vanguard! Come, come, young man. Speak some proper wisdom to the gathering."

The Christian looks around the room. "Some interesting points you are making, sir. Now I've got a question for you. Is there such thing as heat?"

"Yes," the professor replies. "There's heat."

"Is there such a thing as cold?"

"Yes, son, there's cold too."

"No, sir, there isn't."

The professor's grin freezes. The room suddenly becomes very quiet. The second Christian continues.

"You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold'. We can hit 273 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold, otherwise we would be able to go colder than -273°C. You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it."

Silence. A pin drops somewhere in the classroom.

"Is there such a thing as darkness, professor?"

"That's a dumb question, son. What is night if it isn't darkness? What are you getting at...?"

"So you say there is such a thing as darkness?"

"Yes..."

"You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something, it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light... but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use to define the word. In reality, Darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker and give me a jar of it. Can you... give me a jar of darker darkness, professor?"

Despite himself, the professor smiles at the young effrontery before him. This will indeed be a good semester. "Would you mind telling us what your point is, young man?"

"Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with and so your conclusion must be in error...."

The professor goes toxic. "Flawed...? How dare you...!"

"Sir, may I explain what I mean?"

The class is all ears.

"Explain... ohhhhh, explain..." The professor makes an admirable effort to regain control. Suddenly he is affability himself. He waves his hand to silence the class, for the student to continue.

"You are working on the premise of duality," the Christian explains. "That for example there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science cannot even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism but has never seen, much less fully understood them. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, merely the absence of it." The young man holds up a newspaper he takes from the desk of a neighbor who has been reading it. "Here is one of the most disgusting tabloids this country hosts, professor. Is there such a thing as immorality?"

"Of course there is, now look..."

"Wrong again, sir. You see, immorality is merely the absence of morality. Is there such thing as injustice? No. Injustice is the absence of justice. Is there such a thing as evil?" The Christian pauses. "Isn't evil the absence of good?"

The professor's face has turned an alarming color. He is so angry he is temporarily speechless.

The Christian continues, "If there is evil in the world, professor, and we all agree there is, then God, if He exists, must be accomplishing a work through the agency of evil.1 What is that work God is accomplishing? The Bible tells us it is to see if each one of us will, of our own free will, choose good over evil."2

The professor bridles. "As a philosophical scientist, I don't view this matter as having anything to do with any choice; as a realist, I absolutely do not recognize the concept of God or any other theological factor as being part of the world equation because God is not observable."

The Christian replies, "I would have thought that the absence of God's moral code in this world is probably one of the most observable phenomena going, Newspapers make billions of dollars reporting it every week! Tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?"

"If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do."

"Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?"

The professor makes a sucking sound with his teeth and gives his student a silent, stony stare.

"Professor. Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?"

"I'll overlook your impudence in the light of our philosophical discussion. Now, have you quite finished?" the professor hisses.

"So you don't accept God's moral code to do what is righteous?"

"I believe in what is - that's science!"

"Ahh! SCIENCE!" the student's face splits into a grin. "Sir, you rightly state that science is the study of observed phenomena. Science too is a premise which is flawed..."

"SCIENCE IS FLAWED..?" the professor splutters.

The class is in uproar. The Christian remains standing until the commotion has subsided. "To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, may I give you an example of what I mean?"

The professor wisely keeps silent.

The Christian looks around the room. "Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's mind?" The class breaks out into laughter. The Christian points towards his elderly, crumbling tutor. "Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's mind... felt the professor's mind, touched or smelt the professor's mind? No one appears to have done so." The Christian shakes his head sadly. "It appears no one here has had any sensory perception of the professor's mind whatsoever. Well, according to the rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science, I DECLARE that the professor has no mind."

The class is in chaos.

The Christian sits.

If you didn't get it, here is a brief synopsis. The atheist argument is that since God created everything, He is responsible for the creation of evil. However, "evil" is a word that we use to describe certain things that happen to us (most of which are caused by other people). In reality, it is not a physically created thing at all and, therefore, does not fall within the realm of something created by God. So, the argument is fundamentally flawed. As stated on this site, evil is allowed by God so that free will beings can choose between good (i.e., God) or evil (absence of God). Without evil, it is not possible to choose between good and evil, and the universe would have no ultimate purpose.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

God Is Love

I am not sure how to truly articulate what I want to say in a blog post....mainly, God is Love. Just as much as I am a woman, God is Love. It is what HE is. Without it, he wouldn't exist. And we wouldn't exist. And without Him and without Love, we would not be able to love. We love because he loved us first.

Something I have been aware of since I became a Christian, and yet something so profound to me at this moment.


More to come.....

Monday, November 7, 2011

Advent Boxes!

I love this idea from "I Can Teach My Child" blog! I would love to take the time to make these this year, for our family and for gifts for friends. But I know I don't have the time or resources to do it, so I am entering the contest to hopefully WIN my own set of Advent Boxes! Check out her awesome site!

http://www.icanteachmychild.com/2011/11/advent-boxes-giveaway/#comment-15824

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Being a Mom

So many things on my mind lately. I am terribly busy this weekend with homework and housework, but I have to get some thoughts out of my head and onto "paper"!

I have been analyzing (surprise, surprise) being a mom and what it really means to me. It is so hard with all of the social networks out there to be sure that you are doing the right thing! TV, websites, Facebook, blogs, parenting magazines, friends, teachers, relatives - while they all offer advice, some of it is conflicting, and most of it makes me second guess my parenting skills. I am thinking about this more and more lately as I see myself taking out this frustration and confusion on my kids. I feel unhappy with the way I am parenting - seeing the way my friends parent, reading about things online and in magazines, and seeing the way my kids are growing up - and in turn, I am being a worse parent! I am frustrated that I am doing this and that "wrong", frustrated with problem bahavior's I see in my kids, frustrated when I am not doing things the way others are, and frustrated when I feel judged by other mom's. This frustration is making me impatient and angry and I am taking it out on my kids. It has to stop!

Just as my thoughts are on overdrive about this, my good friend, Nicole, finds this book called "Regret Free Parenting". I have not read it yet, but she has read some of it to me over the phone. It is exactly what I need right now! I need to follow my gut, listen to God, and raise my kids the way I want to! When I see on Facebook that someone successfully potty trained their 19 month old, and my 28 month old refuses to use the potty, I need to remember that all kids are different and the little details about WHEN a child is potty trained doesn't matter! When a friends' five year old is always well behaved and never throws temper tantrums, and my 5 year old seems to throw them on a daily basis, I need to stop comparing our kids and just be a good mom. Nicole reminded me to be thankful that I was chosen to be Ryann, Elle, and Morgan's mom. Thankful to BE their mom! Not only thankful FOR them, but thankful that God chose ME to raise them!

So, that book says that I should state what I want for my kids - how I want them to "be" when they are grown up. This list is not exhaustive, but it's a start! And hopefully, having this list written down will allow me to trust myself and not worry about things I read about or see from other parents.

I would LOVE my kids to......

LOVE Jesus and choose to follow him

Be compassionate and empathetic towards others

LOVE others no matter what their differences may be, but still stand up for what they believe in

Be creative and use their imagination

Be able to set boundaries for themselves - whether it be with how much TV they watch, the types of food they eat (and how much), how much studying they do, how much "experimenting" they do in their teen years

Be able to talk to me about ANYTHING

Be honest and trustworthy

Be confident and willing to take risks


In addition to that, I want my kids to enjoy life. I worry so much about how much TV they watch, how many developmental milestones they have reached, whether they ate enough vegetables that day, whether or not they are nice and polite around others, if they got enough sleep or not, if they should be vaccinated or not, if it's okay to let them eat at McDonalds twice in one week, if they are in the right car seat or not, if they play with the most educational toys or not, what school they should go to, when they should be potty trained, etc. It is just so overwhelming! I am DONE spending so much time worrying about the "best" way to raise my kids - DONE with regrets about things I did "wrong".

I am going to (try!) to TRUST myself, LISTEN to God, and just raise my kids. I am going to ENJOY them and follow my gut. I am going to SHOW them how to be a good person, a good mom.

So now that I have committed to this in writing, let's see how well I do! It's going to take a lot of praying for me to change. I am so controlling and insecure about being a mom that it's going to take awhile for me to let go of my fears and really trust myself. But I am going to do my best - for the sake of my kids and my sanity!!